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May 23, 2005
The Doc Brown Defense
SOMEONE TRIED TO sell a nuclear (nucular?) bomb to terrorists:
A Pennsylvania man is under arrest -- accused of trying to build a bomb and sell it to an agent he thought was a member of al-Qaida.
This character is in his late 60s, and there's nothing to indicate at this early stage if he actually could build a bomb. Hopefully he's just a kook and not indictitive of a much larger problem.
However, as someone with some knoweldge of the legal system, I think I'm in the position to give out some unsolicited and probably harmful advice. The man's one great hope is the Doc Brown defense - that he was just trying to rip off terrorists and give them a defective bomb. From Back To The Future:
"Doc, you don't just walk into a store and buy plutonium. Did you rip that off?"
"Shhhhhh. Of course. From a group of Libyan nationalists. They wanted me to build them a bomb, so I took their plutonium and in turn, gave them a shiny bomb-casing full of used pinball machine parts."
And if that doesn't work, he could try the long-shot Chewbacca Defense:
But ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider: Ladies and gentlemen this [pointing to a picture of Chewbacca] is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now, think about that. That does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee—an eight foot tall Wookiee—want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!But more important, you have to ask yourself, what does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!
...
If Chewbacca lived on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
With the two combined, this guy just might get out from his medium-to-heavy treason.
I'm the best lawyer ever.
DU
Posted by DU at May 23, 2005 12:38 PM
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